“Ooh baby!”
One of my best friends doesn’t know a damn thing about football. She likes guys’ butts, though. And if the pants are tight on the players, she’ll watch the action on the field. Being in a bar with potentially single men helps, too, of course. I live for football season. It’s not one of the things we bond over.
Girls either completely love or completely hate football. My mom raised me to live for football. Unlike most male football loving fanatics, my mother and I sob if our team, the great and glorious Florida Gators, somehow loses a game. My father played football throughout his college years and this utter devotion floors him.
My best friend is sitting across from me in a booth at The Depot, the only good bar in small town Davidson, N.C.
“There’s a difference between college and professional football?” she asks, shortly after arriving at the bar. I check her expression to see if she’s kidding. She smiles and I relax. Then she speaks again.
“Why would there be? It’s the same sport, after all. Right?”
Uh-oh.
We’ve come to watch Monday Night Football. Tonight it’s the Miami Dolphins against the New York Jets.
“Where are the Jets from?” she asks, motioning to the TV set.
“New York.”
“Oh.”
“The Buffalo Bills and the Giants are from New York, too,” I tell her.
“Oh god. I KNEW that!” she sniffs.
Right.
The Dolphins take to the field and begin running up the score, making it 17-0 by the end of the 1st Quarter. The Jets haven’t made a first down yet and won’t until 6:52 in the 2nd Quarter, an indication of an amazing Dolphin defense. These statistics escape my best friend. She orders loaded nachos and scans the vacant bar for someone to chat with. She complains that I’m ignoring her.
I try to entice her with enthralling statistics.
“Look, look!” I nudge her. “Look at the comparison between the rushing yards for the Dolphins to the Jets! 94 to1! And we used to be strictly a passing team when we had Marino. Total yards are 207 to 7! 7! That’s amazing…”
She shoots me a look.
“Need another beer?” she asks.>br> “No, thanks."
She walks over to the bar counter and leans over, arms crossed, smiling at the only bartender on duty. Meanwhile, Olindo Mare, the field goal kicker, has temporarily secured the highest field goal percentage in the NFL of 83.1% after kicking a 42 yard goal. These constant statistics and record-breaking highlights always fascinate me. I have no one to share my wonder with, however.